Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Personal: Pondering Thoughts

"I want to fly high above and be free like a bubble!"

Today I am taking a little break from all the fashion and beauty talk and talking a bit more about myself. Which is something that I rarely ever do nowadays. Yes, this is going to be one of those long writing posts so if you don't like to read wordy posts than you can feel free to skip this, lol.

As am I approaching the end of my work contract for my current job, I have to begin to look for my next new job. And because of this I wasn't able to sleep very well for the past few days because I have all these worries and thoughts in my mind like when will I find my next new job? How is the environment going to be? Will I be able to handle the work? How will the people there be at the new work place. Nice, fun, rude, judge mental, ignorant and competitive? All these questions fill up and occupy my mind all day while I am at work and at home. But in the end I think I'm just giving myself too much pressure (I always do) and over thinking. Things will eventually work out. I'm pretty sure I will adjust to my next new job pretty fast like I did with this one. It's just that I've been a little spoiled at this contract job with an awesome happy-go-lucky super friendly manager and some extremely nice, friendly, and fun coworkers at work. I am going to miss this place sooo much. I wish I could work here forever if I could. T_T It is very rare to be able to find a job nowadays in which you enjoy what you do and actually like what you're doing.

Which prompts me into thinking for the past few days about what do I really want to do in life? At one point of time I seem to be certain about what I want to do in life or at least I thought I had a direction or goal to work toward to. But it seems that I'm beginning to feel a bit lost and uncertain about my life again and I'm not quite sure if I will ever succeed to achieve the goals I have set for myself. I know eventually everything takes time and hard work with a little push of luck to get where I want to be. And I know that if I have made the attempt to start and actually try, at least I will have half of the hope as to none. Whether if I will regret it or not later on in life is a different story. But I know at least I've tried at one point in my life.

Okay, I am starting to sound very sentimental. I'm pretty sure it's the fact that I know I will be unemployed soon and I'm just feeling really insecure about it. I do have plans to go back to my old job in the meantime (just for the money sake) but I really hate my old job soooo much. (Which was the reason why I left it and I was hoping to never go back.) But it's the only job at the moment that would hire me immediately even if I hate going back there. *sigh* I've been applying to a ton of jobs this week though so hopefully I'll get some interviews before I leave for my New York trip or after I come back. I'm beginning to regret and think this New York trip wasn't the right thing to do now. Or perhaps it's the exact right thing for me to do now and what I really need. Get away for a couple of days in my own wonderland to free my mind from all my daily worries and come back to reality and fight again. =)

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